The French Connection
by Soul Reaver
Summary: Inspired by Red Witch's Misfits and introing a new character. What happens when a French news crew comes to the Pit to do a story on the Misfits? The standard fare of course...
1. Cologne, Germany

Cologne, Germany  
  
Author's Note and Disclaimer: I don't own the X-men Evolution, GI Joe, or Red Witch's Misfits franchises. However the character of Corporal Nathaniel Demerest, 22 SAS, is my creation. The Special Air Service is the United Kingdom's special forces. The character of Camille Leclair comes from a video I watched in French class.  
  
Red Witch, do you think you could tell me more about the new Misfits for my next few chapters.  
  
Don't worry I'll get back to Kilo Two Zero soon.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Cologne Cathedral, Germany: The cathedral's towers stretched into the night sky like a giant hand reaching towards heaven. It literally radiated majesty to the man walking along towards her sanctuary. For a year now, the man had been on a journey to nowhere in particular. After injuries sustained on his last mission two years ago he had decided to take a backpack journey across Europe.  
  
After thirteen years of military service, he had no idea what he would do. He'd joined the Territorial (Reserve) Army SAS as a boy soldier at the age of sixteen and had served Her Majesty's Army for thirteen years since then. A chance explosion and damage to his inner ear had pretty much insured that the British Army wasn't keeping him in the SAS for long. In the instant of a blast a constant of his adult life was gone. He felt a ringing in his left ear, his deaf ear, and gulped down another tablet of pain killer.  
  
The doctors said he'd likely never walk again because of the balance and equilibrium problems, but he'd proven them wrong. Those quacks didn't know what they were talking about. He was able to walk within six months, run in six more months. He was able to almost reach his old level of conditioning while he was in the Regiment. He'd crossed the German border six days ago, unaware he was being followed.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"Why do our new recruits always have to be hard to find...?" Cover Girl groaned under the weight of the eighty pound rucksack she carried.  
  
"Some people are hard of head. And from the looks of this one, his skull's made of lead." Roadblock replied. For about two weeks they'd followed their new recruit, never getting close enough to talk to him. Despite his ninety pound backpack he was able to stay two to three miles ahead of them for all of their following.  
  
"Well at least he decided to stop in a town this time." Cover Girl replied, "I may be used to camping in the woods, but I'll take a five star hotel any day."  
  
"You could have it worst, you could be Shipwreck." Roadblock replied, "Babysitting and training and all. I bet he's not having a ball."  
  
Cover Girl laughed lightly, "I bet he's got his hands full."  
  
"Hey he's stepped into the cathedral." Roadblock said, "Makes our job easier."  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Nathaniel Demerest, the man they'd been following, pulled a rosary from the pocket of his jeans and dropped to his knees in the pew. "Our father, who art in heaven..."  
  
Grandmother had said her faith had gotten her through the bombardment of Normandy during World War II. The rosary he held in his hands had been a gift she'd given him before he joined the Territorial Army as a fresh faced sixteen year old boy.  
  
He noticed the cathedral door opening as he said another Hail Mary. Turning around he saw an auburn haired woman, pretty enough to be a model, and a muscular black man. They'd been following him since he entered the city of Cologne, and they were Americans from the look of them. He kept an eye on them in case anything were to develop  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"Nathaniel Demerest?" Roadblock asked the praying man.  
  
"Yes." The man replied. He was about 5'9", with a compact, muscular build with short black hair and intense black eyes.  
  
"Do you check your answering machine or your mail?" Roadblock asked, "Because you seemed to respond as slow as a snail..."  
  
"Right." Demerest replied, "In case you didn't know, I'm medically disqualified from military duty. Deaf in one ear..."  
  
"You served in the Territorial SAS, the reserve regiment, from the age of sixteen until the age of twenty-three." Cover Girl began.  
  
Demerest looked surprised at first, he'd left before GI Joe started looking for him. "How'd you..."  
  
"You then wanted more out of life then being a member of the reserve special forces in the UK." Roadblock continued.  
  
Demerest was glad he'd packed the Glock 17 in a holster underneath his olive green shirt. If these two were COBRAs he was going to draw and shoot. First the larger of the two, then the red head, but they could be GI Joes, so he decided not to draw and fire yet. He would hear them out.  
  
"You joined the Parachute Regiment to get a solid infantry background then ran Selection for 22 SAS. You were finally badged as an SAS operative at the age of twenty-three..." Cover Girl continued.  
  
"Right, this stuff isn't exactly common knowledge..." Demerest began, "However any half decent spy can break into archives and figure out that information..."  
  
"Your maternal grandfather is German, but you don't mention that often." Roadblock said, "No need to be ashamed of the nationality of your kin."  
  
"You were wounded in action against a terrorist group called COBRA in a secret operation off the coast of Scotland two years ago..." Cover Girl began, "An operation that only personal with certain security clearances can access."  
  
"Operation Snakebite..." Demerest began, his eyes taking a faraway look. Three British SAS operatives together with three men from GI Joe, codenamed Flint, Duke, and Low Light had parachuted onto an island where COBRA was attempting a project on the scale of Moreauseau again.  
  
"Two SAS soldiers died, the survivor was seriously wounded, deafened in his left ear, balance and equilibrium effected..." Cover Girl continued.  
  
"So what help would I be to the unit?" Demerest replied, "I'm crippled..."  
  
"Demerest, they swore you'd never walk again, that you'd be confined to a wheel chair for the rest of your days." Roadblock said, "You walked within six months of your wounds. You then ran within a year of being injured..."  
  
"Your file doesn't say anything about me blacking out occasionally, the nightmares, or..." Demerest replied.  
  
"We believe our medical staff discovered a way to help you..." Cover Girl replied, "It's nothing short of a miracle..."  
  
"It is in the grace of God that I recovered..." Demerest replied.  
  
"You know we're on the same side..." Cover Girl said, "It must be hard trying to sleep after what you saw during Snakebite..."  
  
"You've got no idea." Demerest replied.  
  
"The nightmares, the memories you don't want." Roadblock said, "The fact that you've been discharged doesn't help..."  
  
"It's not like I'm unemployed, my friend." Demerest replied, "The Regiment keeps its cripples. I'll be teaching sniping after my yearlong sabbatical draws to a close."  
  
"You mean your yearlong backpack trip through France and Germany..." Roadblock replied.  
  
"Yes." Demerest replied.  
  
"What if I told you the SAS was willing to reinstate you to full combat status?" Cover Girl said.  
  
"I'd say you were mad." Demerest replied.  
  
"Not really. Our medical team has come up with many amazing innovations..." Roadblock began.  
  
"I'm not going to turn myself into a bloody lab rat..." Demerest said, angrily.  
  
"That's not what we mean." Roadblock said, "Only if you're one hundred percent keen."  
  
"I must see what God has to say about this." Demerest replied, going back to the pew for his prayers.  
  
Fifteen minutes later he returned, "I have your answer. Yes. What exactly am I doing?"  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Several weeks later, after finishing his experimental surgery, Nathaniel Demerest met his new responsibilities for the first time. Cover Girl was driving him in a jeep to Shipwreck's house.  
  
"So, what exactly is this new unit?" Demerest asked.  
  
"We work with a slightly rambunctious team of mutant teenagers, most of them orphans. They're actually ok once you get to know them." Cover Girl replied.  
  
As they stepped from the jeep a silver streak ran by them at high speed. "Hi Cover Girl, bye Cover Girl...."  
  
"PIETRO!!!!!!!" came the enraged shout from inside the house.  
  
"Uh oh..." Cover Girl said, donning a Kevlar helmet. She handed Demerest one as well.  
  
"Is this normal?" Demerest asked.  
  
"More often than you think." Cover Girl replied, as Demerest donned the helmet.  
  
Wanda came running downstairs, her red t-shirt sported numerous damp spots, as did her black jeans. "Get every one of those dead bugs out of my shampoo NOW!" Wanda shouted.  
  
"Wanda," Cover Girl said, as Scarlett Witch began to power up, "Say hi to Mr. Demerest, he's going to be staying with us..."  
  
"Yes ma'am." Wanda replied, making a mental note to kill Pietro later.  
  
"Nathaniel Demerest."  
  
"What do you usually go by?" Cover Girl asked.  
  
"Nate will do..." Demerest replied.  
  
"We've gotta find you a codename, but there's no rush..." Cover Girl replied.  
  
"Welcome to Casa Delgato," a bearded sailor said, "Nathaniel Demerest, right?"  
  
"Right." Demerest replied.  
  
"Awk! Special Delivery! Awk!" A green parrot said as it flapped into the foyer. It had a particularly sexy bra hanging from it's beak and dropped it atop Shipwreck's head.  
  
"Shipwreck! You are dead!" Cover Girl said.  
  
"HELP!!!" Shipwreck shouted as Cover Girl chased him around the house with an umbrella.  
  
"Odd," Demerest thought, "I've been here for less than five minutes and this place is already starting to sound like squadron lines..."  
  
He walked upstairs to his assigned room, carrying his bergen (ruck sack) over his shoulders and placed it on the bed of the upstairs room. As he walked out of the room he ran into a column of thin air.  
  
"What the....?" Demerest said.  
  
Xi materialized in front of him, "What the...?" Demerest began.  
  
"You must be one of our new caretakers...I am Xi."  
  
"Nathaniel Demerest. What are you doing...?" Demerest asked as Xi put his hand atop his head.  
  
"You are recovering from a severe wound that affected your balance." Xi said, "I can sense the powers of other mutants...Now if you'll excuse me, I must go pounce on my team mates to keep my skills sharp."  
  
"Odd." Demerest remarked, mystified as the mutant disappeared into thin air.  
  
"Eventful first day, huh?" another kid asked. He looked to be eighteen, with black hair, "Lance Alvers, everyone calls me Avalanche."  
  
"Nathaniel Demerest. I've not been codenamed yet..." Demerest replied.  
  
"For us, usually it has something to do with you, like a personality trait of some sort." Lance replied, "So what do you do?"  
  
"I'm a member of the Special Air Service." Demerest replied.  
  
A large ship's bell sounded then, "Awk! Dinner is served! Dinner is served! Awk!" Polly said, as he flapped up the stairs.  
  
The whole gang was seated at the table for dinner. "Alright guys, remember to clean this place up extra." Shipwreck said, "The French news team is coming here to do a report on the Misfits tomorrow."  
  
"Awk! A show of insanity! Awk!" Polly squawked.  
  
"Maybe I'd better put somebody in their cage..." Shipwreck said.  
  
"Dad, then we'd have to put you in a cage, because if she's good looking and female we're gonna have a real riot on our hands...." Althea quipped.  
  
"Or a couple lawsuits..." Low Light replied.  
  
"Wait a minute? Lawsuits? Riots?" Demerest asked.  
  
"Now look what you guys have done, you're scaring the new guy..." Shipwreck began.  
  
"On the contrary mate." Demerest began, "You remind me a little bit of Sergeant Utterson, a.k.a. El Supremo..."  
  
"What?" Low Light said, "He's not afraid."  
  
"This bloke, whenever he got drunk, would put on wrestling tights and attack the mailman or anyone nearby. The mayor of Hereford is still slightly miffed about being airplane spun and body slammed..." Demerest replied, "Damndest thing is his Spanish is absolutely horrible when he's sober but fluent when he's drunk..."  
  
"Pass the mashed potatoes please..." Lance asked.  
  
"Potatamoes..." Claudius gurgled gleefully as Shipwreck fed him another spoonful. However, this spoonful wound up splattered all over Pietro who thought Lance threw it.  
  
"Take that Rockhead!" Pietro shouted, throwing a spoonful of gravy at Lance.  
  
"Oh yeah!" Lance shouted, throwing a handful of peas, "Take that you silver haired freak..."  
  
"Lance, your aim is about as good as your taste in women and knowing Kitty your aim can't be all that good!" Pietro said.  
  
"Die!" Lance shouted, throwing a handful of ice cubes at Pietro. Unfortunately they hit Wanda.  
  
Suddenly objects began to fly around the room as Wanda powered up. "Wanda, remember what we talked about, no more psychotic episodes..." Roadblock gulped.  
  
"Too late..." Pietro quipped.  
  
Wanda dropped all the floating items and ran after Pietro, cornering him in the downstairs bathroom.  
  
"HELP! MOMMY! ANYONE! Glub blub blub! HELP!!!" Pietro screamed like a small girl.  
  
"Oh Lord, I don't wanna know what happens when the French news crew shows up tomorrow... I don't wanna know." Roadblock moaned.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
AN: So what does happen when the French news crew shows up to do their story on the Misfits. The standard fare of course...  
  
Anyone who could help me think of a codename for Demerest (saving that for the end), help would be greatly appreciated. 


	2. The French Arrive

The French Arrive  
  
Disclaimer: Same as before. Anything with an * means something spoken in French.  
  
RoguefanKC, go ahead, I'd love to see it...If you wanna use any Kilo Two Zero characters, feel free.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"Tell me why we're playing tour guide for a French camera crew?" Demerest asked Cover Girl as they waited at the front gate.  
  
"For one, we want to steer them away from all the secret stuff, namely the spaceship." Cover Girl said.  
  
"Spaceship?" Demerest asked.  
  
"Long story..." Cover Girl replied.  
  
"And the second reason we're doing this instead of someone like Roadblock or Shipwreck..." Demerest replied.  
  
"For one, she's a woman and we BOTH know Shipwreck will chase anything in a skirt..." Cover Girl said.  
  
"Good point. But why us?" Demerest replied.  
  
"Well both of us are the only members of the Misfit team, the reasonably sane members, that speak fluent French..." Cover Girl replied.  
  
"Even better point..." Demerest replied, "Speak of the devil, here come the French..."  
  
A news van with local license plates stopped by the front of the base. The guard let the van through and told the driver to stop at a small parking lot close to the front gate. The camera crew and the co-anchor stepped out of the van.  
  
"*Bonjour." The co-anchor said. She was a lean, attractive young woman, about twenty-seven years old, with short black-brown hair that extended to where her neck met her shoulders.  
  
"*Bonjour." Cover Girl replied.  
  
"*Bonjour. I am Camille Leclair."  
  
"*I am Courtney Kreiger."  
  
"*I am Nathaniel Demerest."  
  
"*Where are the Misfits?" Camille asked.  
  
"*They're at the house." Cover Girl replied.  
  
"*You were a model in Paris, right?" Camille asked.  
  
"*Yes, I was." Cover Girl replied, "A long time ago, but..."  
  
Camille smiled, "*Almost every little girl where I grew up wanted to be you..."  
  
She regarded them with clear blue eyes and said, "*So when do we get to meet the Misfits?"  
  
"*We'll give you a tour of the base first..." Demerest replied, "*I'm sure your viewers in France are interested in the guided tour of the base where the best team of mutants in the world reside..."  
  
'Hopefully it gives Roadblock, Lowlight, and Shipwreck to prepare the house and the kids for their first televised interview...And they're able to keep them under control.' Cover Girl thought.  
  
"*Well, we'll start with the target range, where America's finest train..." Demerest replied.  
  
As they walked towards the target range Cover Girl whispered, "Nice try, smart guy."  
  
"Relax, how bad can a firing range be?" Demerest whispered back.  
  
"You're about to find out, so is the French public..." Cover Girl replied, "As to how demented the GI Joe firing range can be..."  
  
They had reached the firing range and as they approached it, they could hear the sounds of arguing.  
  
"IS NOT!"  
  
"IS TOO!"  
  
"IS NOT!"  
  
"IS TOO!"  
  
"*What's going on?" Camille asked.  
  
"*Uh, a training exercise in aggressive weapons handling..." Cover Girl said.  
  
"*Get this on film Damien..." Camille said.  
  
"*This is Camille Leclair, coming to you live from the Pit. I'm here with a member of the GI Joe Team, Cover Girl. What is the most stressful factor of life around here?"  
  
"*Well, military life, especially here at the Pit, is full of its inherent stresses..." Cover Girl began.  
  
"Take it back!"  
  
"Make me!"  
  
"With pleasure!"  
  
Two fellows, one Marine and the other a SEAL, were standing, both carrying rocket launchers, and yelling at one another.  
  
"Guys, we have a visitor, so maybe you don't want to be fighting here..." Cover Girl whispered, "What great debate were you two on about now..."  
  
"Oh, we were debating whether Burger King was better than McDonalds." Leatherneck said.  
  
"Burger King!" Wetsuit shouted.  
  
"McDonalds!" Leatherneck shouted.  
  
"You're on camera..." Cover Girl whispered.  
  
"Well we could solve the problem by moving this cheater off screen." Wetsuit said.  
  
"Listen muffin head, who are you calling a cheater..." Leatherneck replied.  
  
"Who's muffin head!" Wetsuit replied, "Take it back before I knock the teeth out of you..."  
  
"You and what army, you couldn't knock the teeth out a mosquito..." Leatherneck replied.  
  
"Hah! That shows how dumb YOU are! Mosquitoes don't even HAVE teeth!" Wetsuit replied.  
  
"Compared to you I'm Einstein, leggo!" Leatherneck replied.  
  
"Strudle brain!" Wetsuit replied.  
  
"Youch!" Leatherneck replied, "Oatmeal face!"  
  
The two soldiers were rolling on the ground, pummeling the daylights out of one another.  
  
"*As I was saying, life here has its inherent stresses and..." Cover Girl continued.  
  
"*What's this?" Camille asked, indicating a tiny teddy bear in camouflage fatigues tied to a firing board.  
  
"*We'd best get out of here..." Demerest stated. Despite having been at the Pit for only a few weeks he knew certain things were best left untouched.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOLDING SERGEANT SNUFFLES!!!!!" came a shout over the horizon.  
  
"I thought you hid him!" Leatherneck and Wetsuit shouted at each other simultaneously.  
  
"I didn't! Did you?" Leatherneck and Wetsuit replied.  
  
"BANZAI!!!!!!" Beach Head shouted, jumping from out of a nearby oak tree and tackling both Leatherneck and Wetsuit. He bashed their heads together and stood atop their prostrate forms, beating on his chest like some kind of ape.  
  
"*That's Beach Head, he's a one man demolition derby wherever Sergeant Snuffles is concerned..." Demerest said.  
  
"I have rescued you from the clutches of the fiend. Let us go get some lunch Sergeant..." Beach Head replied, and headed off to the kitchen.  
  
As the cameraman turned off his equipment he said to Camille, "*Are you sure this will be a hit..."  
  
"*But of course, the public loves a little drama..." Camille replied.  
  
"*You haven't seen anything yet..." Demerest said.  
  
"*How does one deal with all the craziness around here?" Camille asked, with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"*I'm not sure, I've only been here a while." Demerest replied.  
  
"*What's with the codenames?" Camille asked.  
  
"*It's to protect privacy. I don't have one yet because I'm new..." Demerest replied, unconsciously finding himself looking into Camille's blue eyes. They were quite beautiful eyes, to be honest and...  
  
A curly red haired boy with glasses and a Jan Sport backpack approached them. Camille indicated to her cameraman to start filming again.  
  
"*This is one of boys, we call his Arcade because he's good with computers or technology of any sort..." Demerest began.  
  
"*Bonjour madame..." Arcade said, shyly.  
  
"*His French is extremely fluent." Demerest began.  
  
"*Arcade, how many languages do you speak?" Camille asked.  
  
"*I speak about four so far in addition to English. They are Spanish, French, Latin, and a bit of German." Arcade replied, indicating Demerest, "*My German's a bit rusty though, I'm learning from Creed though..."  
  
"*So, what is your mutant ability?" Camille began.  
  
"*He doesn't have one." Cover Girl piped in, "*He's human, like us. He's our experiment, if you will, in mutant human relations..."  
  
"*Monsieur Demerest, a moment ago he just called you Creed..." Camille began.  
  
"*That's a code name idea that they have for me," Demerest replied, "*It's not officially mine yet, but I prefer it over the other ones, like Godsend, Passionate, or Sure Shot."  
  
"*Why Creed?" Camille asked.  
  
"*I am, by nature, fairly religious..." Demerest replied, "*Before coming here I was on a backpacking trip through France and Germany, where I visited many great castles and cathedrals."  
  
"*Up next we're visiting the cafeteria for lunch..." Cover Girl said, inwardly thinking, 'I hope to God the cafeteria is still standing...'  
  
That's when they heard a scream echoing across the Pit. BA came crashing throught the bushes nearby screaming, "HELP!"  
  
"That sounds like BA..." Demerest replied.  
  
"There he is! After him!!!" Low Light shouted.  
  
"Die you demon chef!!!" Shipwreck shouted.  
  
Low Light, Shipwreck, Tunnel Rat, and two other Joes were chasing BA with baseball bats. Camille signaled her cameraman to turn his camera back on. "Excuse me, what's going on?" she asked, her English taking an almost musical tone but not a heavily accented one.  
  
"That screaming menace to society over there served the worst food in creation!" Low Light replied.  
  
"Low Light, what did he serve?" Cover Girl said, "I know I told him no more Chili Con Carne after what happened to the Blob?"  
  
"I can't chat right now," Low Light said, "I've gotta get that menace for the Breakfast Burrito Bonanza! Die BA!"  
  
"*Burrito Bonanza?" Camille said, raising an eyebrow, "*What is going on here?"  
  
"*BA is our resident chef who makes a lot of, er...novel recipes." Demerest replied, "*Sadly some of his culinary experiments are disastrous to say the least..."  
  
"Shipwreck! What's going on!?" Cover Girl demanded.  
  
"BA served a new recipe, the Breakfast Burrito Bonanza to the kids." Shipwreck replied, "You can guess what happened next. The Blob and Mexican food under any circumstances are deadly, but combine that with BA's Pickled Picante Pot Pourri and you've got a methane cloud making anything within a mile of the cafeteria uninhabitable..."  
  
"*Perhaps the cafeteria isn't the best place to visit." Demerest replied, "Well next, we're going to visit the training ground where the Misfits are going to show off their physical prowess..."  
  
Camille signaled her cameraman to turn off his camera, "*You certainly have an interesting base."  
  
"*That we do." Demerest replied, rolling his eyes, "*I hope you're not too put off..."  
  
"*Au contraire..." Camille said, "*I think the French public will quite enjoy the spectacle. Your Misfits are regular celebrities in France..."  
  
"*Really?" Demerest asked, "*Mutants, I know, are more tolerated in France and the Netherlands than they are anywhere else in Europe, at least in theory."  
  
"*Yes, they are." Camille replied, "*However, of the two known American mutant teams, your mutants are most favored. About 80% of the French public clearly favor the Misfits over the X-men...And people say the French are arrogant."  
  
Demerest couldn't help but smile at Camille's remark as they continued back towards the training ground.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Up Next: More X-men bashing courtesy of the French media. 


	3. Training Misfits

Training Misfits  
  
Disclaimer: Same as before...This fic may spawn a few shipper fics (Couples are Lance/Kitty, Shipwreck/Cover Girl, Low Light/Storm, as well as possibly a Demerest/Camille relationship.) The X-men might be encountered in this, I don't know yet, but I'm primarily focusing on the Misfits for this fic and have a sequel regarding the X-men's reaction to this whole state of affairs.  
  
Roadblock stood at the edge of the woods, right next to him was a red sign with the words, USMC Endurance Course on it. He was holding a stopwatch and waited for the Misfits to emerge.  
  
"Excuse me monsieur, what's the training event for the day?" Camille asked Roadblock.  
  
Demerest quickly translated Camille's question, but she motioned him to be quiet. "I'm sorry about that, but this show is to be broadcast in France so hence my questions in the native language."  
  
"No problem, it is understood." Roadblock said, "That your program won't air in this neighborhood..."  
  
Just then a fellow with a mustache, wearing camouflage trousers and boots, a Marine patrol cap, and a sleeveless denim shirt came running out of the woods with an eighty pound rucksack. "C'mon kids, get the lead out! You've got these last few yards."  
  
'Ooh la la, what sort of a place is this...Having such a big, frightening man yelling at children, even if they are mutants...' Camille thought, but remembering she was a journalist and had to be professional and diplomatic she restrained her initial impressions. It was such an odd combination, the most effective anti-terrorist unit on the planet yet so many of their members acted like children. Especially those three, Beach Head, Leatherneck, and Wet Suit. 'What a crazy place? Remember Camille, you're a journalist, be professional...'  
  
Running in, one after another came Lance, Pietro, Althea, and Toad. They were selected to run the endurance course for that morning. The others were scheduled to run it later on in the day. "The Marine leading them is codenamed Gung Ho." Demerest began.  
  
"Bonjour mademoiselle..." Gung Ho said.  
  
Camille smiled, despite herself, at Gung Ho's fluent French, "You are French?"  
  
"No, mademoiselle, I come from Louisiana...Folks around here call me Gung Ho...The black big guy over there is Roadblock, he may look mean but he's nice..." Gung Ho replied, "And the four kids there are Avalanche, his powers include the ability to create earthquakes and create geographic formations."  
  
The camera panned towards a young man, with dark hair and a lean build. "The silver haired boy is Quicksilver...For obvious reasons, he's the fastest thing on two legs." Demerest added.  
  
The camera panned towards Pietro who struck a couple poses and quickly combed his hair, "Bonjour people of France, especially the gorgeous madmoiselles...mmph!!!"  
  
Lance clamped a hand over Pietro's mouth and said, "Save it quickie."  
  
"Mmrph grph..." Pietro said as Lance held him still.  
  
"That's Wavedancer. A multi-talented individual if you ask me." Demerest replied, "Her abilities include breathing underwater and mastery of many different martial arts."  
  
"And last, but certainly not least, is Toad..." Demerest continued as the camera panned to Todd Tolansky who waved and did a backward flip into the air.  
  
"The Toad's got style, character, charisma...." Toad said.  
  
"...And a slight caffeine high." Lance quipped.  
  
Camille was amazed that Toad had managed to do the flip despite the fact that he was wearing a white t-shirt, green fatigue trousers and boots as well as about eighty pounds of gear on his back.  
  
"Monsieur Demerest, where did you come by these children?" Camille asked.  
  
"You'd have to ask Roadblock." Demerest said, indicating Roadblock.  
  
"Monsieur, where did you find these children?" Camille asked, though she did feel it slightly ridiculous to refer to the older Misfits as children, to their fans in France they were just children.  
  
"First my patrol and I found Toad, shortly after Magneto abandoned him." Roadblock replied, "He thought he'd killed Toad but he'd set him free."  
  
Roadblock put one muscular arm around Toad's shoulders and said, "And he's become like a son to me..."  
  
"Da-ad...Not in public." Toad grimaced.  
  
Camille smiled, despite herself, as imposing as Roadblock and many of the other soldiers on base appeared, he still seemed to be a great father figure for Toad. The boy seemed happy with the Joes and his team mates.  
  
"So what about you? Where did you come from?" Camille asked Lance.  
  
"Quicksilver, myself, and two others were also abandoned by Magneto shortly after Toad was kicked out of the Brotherhood." Lance replied.  
  
"So why did Magneto abandon you?" Camille asked.  
  
Lance's features darkened then, his voice taking a hard edge to it, making him seem far older than his eighteen years. "If you weren't up to his demanding standards then he'd sidebar you, just leave you out in the middle of nowhere." Lance said, in reply, "I mean training here is tough, but at least if we do well we're rewarded and even if we don't do so well, the adults won't kick us to the curb."  
  
Camille said, "But he often has said that he is on the side of mutants everywhere..."  
  
"Listen, we found out the hard way that Magneto's little more than a liar and a megalomaniac." Lance said.  
  
"And what of Charles Xavier and his X-men...?" Camille asked.  
  
"They seem to have their noses in the air, in some ways they're a lot like Magneto, in the way that they recruit only the best mutants and also act like their so superior to everybody." Lance said.  
  
"But don't you have a relationship with one of the X-men?" Camille asked, "Mademoiselle Kitty Pryde..."  
  
"I do." Lance replied, "But even that's a challenge unto itself. Both of us have team mates that are against our relationship and in Kitty's case there are a few people on her team that try to disrupt our relationship at every opportunity by introducing my rival into things."  
  
"So, what exactly does training here entail?" Camille asked.  
  
"It's not all military and physical training, the Joes have an interest in continuing our educations..." Lance began, "We take the typical classes of the average high school student."  
  
"Each of us here on base has some sort of specialty in some practical skill, a foreign language, or some art or science." Demerest explained.  
  
"What's next on the agenda?" Camille asked.  
  
"Well the kids are going to get cleaned up, and the next thing we're going to do is have lunch." Demerest replied, "And next you'll be observing one of their classes."  
  
The French cameraman had already packed away most of his equipment when Cover Girl tapped Demerest on the shoulder, "Hey, Nate, I need to get ready for the kids' English lesson, hold down the fort for me?"  
  
"Alright." Demerest replied.  
  
"So, Monsieur Demerest, can you tell me a little about yourself?" Camille asked.  
  
"Certainly." Demerest replied.  
  
"You are British?" Camille asked.  
  
"I am." Demerest nodded.  
  
"I thought GI Joe is an American unit?" Camille asked.  
  
"It is, but we do recruit people from other nations. Particularly those that we have the personnel exchange program with." Demerest replied, "The UK is one of them."  
  
"So what exactly do you do in the military?" Camille asked.  
  
"Is this going to be on film?" Demerest asked.  
  
"No, this is just out of curiosity." Camille replied.  
  
"Well in that case, I'm a member of Her Majesty's Special Air Service." Demerest replied.  
  
"How long have you been in the service?" Camille asked.  
  
"I joined the British Army, the Territorial Army, 21 SAS, at the age of sixteen..." Demerest replied.  
  
"The Territorial SAS?" Camille asked, her English was fluent, her accent making her voice seem melodious, almost as if she were singing.  
  
"The Territorial Army is the UK's military reserve." Demerest replied, "So what about you, why journalism?"  
  
"Forgive me, monsieur, you caught me off guard, I'm used to asking questions not really answering them." Camille replied, "I've always had a desire to seek the truth about anything. I never trusted things I heard on general principle. I always had to find out for myself. Journalism seemed to be the natural choice. And why the army?"  
  
"I was a smart kid in school," Demerest replied, "In fact I went to a boarding school in Bristol, one of the better ones in the UK. I guess you could chalk it up to the fact that I was bored with school, it didn't present a challenge to me."  
  
"I've heard of the SAS, and I've also heard the term Selection, what does that mean." Camille asked.  
  
They were walking down the pathway, shaded by trees and shrubs, courtesy of Psyche Out's green thumb program. The idea was to beautify the Pit, make it seem less intimidating. Towards that end, several gazebos, tree lined walkways, and lawns were placed all about the place.  
  
"Selection first starts with about three weeks in the Brecon Beacons, the Welsh countryside. It consists of a lot of long range endurance marches and running through the hills with upwards of fifty pounds of gear. Then it consists of continuation training for a week, then about a month in Malaya at the British Army Jungle Warfare School, and then three weeks of Escape and Evasion training." Demerest replied.  
  
"Is it different for the Territorial SAS?" Camille asked.  
  
"Yes, it's longer, because our Selection is held on weekends and one night a week." Demerest replied, "But that doesn't mean it's any less demanding physically. If anything else you'd best have the self discipline to keep yourself in good shape or you've failed.  
  
The two sat down to lunch and Camille asked, "What do you think of the Misfits?"  
  
"They're a great bunch of lads, despite their backgrounds." Demerest replied, "Many of them are orphans, or abandoned by the parents, which amounts to the same thing. We're the closest thing to a family that these kids have had."  
  
"So how long have you been here?" Camille asked.  
  
"Roughly about a month." Demerest replied. Lunch passed by uneventfully, and the news crew headed toward the school house in the small corner of the base where the Misfits lived.  
  
"Class, we have a visitor." Cover Girl began, "Miss Leclair, of Channel 7 news, Paris."  
  
"Are we on camera?" Toad asked.  
  
"Well duh, it's a TV news crew." Pietro replied, "Of course we'll be on camera."  
  
All the older Misfits were in the school room. Shipwreck was taking care of the babies and Trinity was off training with the Blind Master. "Look sharp guys, here she comes." Cover Girl said.  
  
Camille entered the room, the cameraman standing at a distance, with Demerest standing nearby. "What subject is this?"  
  
"I was about to teach literature today." Cover Girl said, "We're covering Jules Verne's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea."  
  
"Ah, one of the fathers of modern science fiction." Camille began, "France's contribution to that genre of literature."  
  
"What other subjects do you usually study here?" Camille asked.  
  
"It can vary," Cover Girl said, "Airtight teaches them math and science. Bree and Lifeline teach them basic first aid. I teach them English, not really my specialty, and auto repair. Roadblock teaches home economics. The Blind Master and Stormshadow teach them various mental disciplines."  
  
"What of you, monsieur Demerest?" Camille asked.  
  
"I'm taking over teaching English and foreign languages for interested parties." Demerest asked, "I'm already teaching and improving Arcade's German."  
  
The lesson began and Fred raised his hand, "Was it just revenge that Captain Nemo was motivated by? Because it seems he was also driven by an inferiority complex and an overcompensating personality..."  
  
"Oh spare us Blob." Pietro remarked, "You've been reading those psychology books too long."  
  
"Pietro, you and Captain Nemo do have a few similarities..." Fred began.  
  
"I have nothing in common with that seafaring lunatic!" Pietro snapped.  
  
"I don't know Pietro, due to your Daddy issues and the fact that Magneto never deemed you as 'good enough' created in you an inferiority complex..." Blob began.  
  
"Magneto is your father?" Camille asked Pietro.  
  
"WHAT FATHER! I HAVE NO FATHER..." Pietro began.  
  
"So how did you find this talent for psychological analysis?" Camille asked.  
  
"Don't encourage him, please..." Lance whispered under his breath.  
  
"And also, Pietro, you adjust to having such a bad father by over compensating." Fred continued, "By having such a massive ego, by annoying and insulting others, you are overcompensating. You need a hug..."  
  
"WHAT!? I'm NOT suffering from whatever it is you say I'm suffering from!" Pietro replied.  
  
"Group hug!" Fred shouted.  
  
"AGGH! NO! SAVE ME! HEEELLLPPP!" Pietro shouted, as Fred and all the other Misfits practically piled on top of him.  
  
"The Misfits are not simply a military unit." Camille began, turning towards the camera, "They are also a family, a close knit community..."  
  
"Let go off me you lummox! I need air..." Pietro said.  
  
Camille signed off and the cameraman packed up his equipment. She and her camera man drove back to their hotel to get some much needed rest.  
  
A few hours later, Camille lay in the bathtub of her hotel room. Thoughts were bouncing around inside her head as she soaked in the hot water. As bizarre as their behavior was, she could see that the Misfits were a family. And as crazy as some of the members of the GI Joe team were, they genuinely cared for the Misfits as their own children.  
  
She drained the bathtub and dried herself with a towel. Walking into the small bedroom, she put on a powder blue night shirt that terminated three quarters of the way down from her thigh. An odd group, these Misfits were, but they seemed better than the X-men, who denied to be interviewed many times. The Misfits, at least, agreed with the idea of being interviewed.  
  
Camille remembered why she believed that mutants should be given a fair chance. In Paris, when she had just become a journalist, she covered a story where the French police arrested a gang of young men that had beaten a teenaged mutant to death with lengths of pipe and crowbars.  
  
She'd almost vomited when she saw the child, barely thirteen or fourteen, the only discernibly mutant feature being the pair of bat-like wings on its back. The poor thing's face had been black and blue with bruises and cuts, a cheek bone had been smashed in. The bones in the wings and arms had been broken. The child had died of massive head trauma, and the three youths responsible for this beating were arrested. She believed in the idea of painting mutants in a positive light. They were not monsters, or devil children as some believed them to be, they were people like any human being. Camille yawned, stretched, and curled up underneath the covers and settled into a peaceful sleep.  
  
TBC (Up Next: Documenting a day in the Delgato family life...) 


	4. To the Delgados

"To the Delgados..."  
  
Disclaimer: Same as before...  
  
Red Witch - EPCOT, a great theme park. One of my all time favorites...

* * *

"Now remember all I said," Roadblock said to all the Misfits and adults that were clustered in the living room, "For we don't want our guests to lose their heads..."  
  
"No fires..." Fred replied.  
  
"No hitting on the reporter..." Pietro remarked, "Or any other good looking female she may bring along. Shouldn't Shipwreck promise that too..."   
  
"HEY!" Shipwreck remarked.  
  
"No experimenting on people..." The Triplets said.  
  
"No drinking...Awk." Polly replied.  
  
"No making out." Althea said.  
  
"And no crazy stories...Shipwreck I'm talking to you." Roadblock replied.  
  
"What? As if I'M somehow responsible for the insanity that goes on around here..." Shipwreck replied.  
  
"Well most of it..." Cover Girl replied, smiling.  
  
"Now, Cover Girl let's be fair, actually nearly all of it." Low Light said.  
  
"I think some people are responsible for more than their share of insanity here." Shipwreck remarked, "For example, Blind Master and Spirit and their little knife throwing demos...That ring any bells..."   
  
"Well at least those are safer than the other things you've done." Blind Master replied, calmly.  
  
"Such as?" Shipwreck replied.  
  
"The fire you started in English class last week readily springs to mind." Blind Master replied.  
  
"That was ONE incident." Shipwreck protested.  
  
"Then there weas the flamethrower disaster...Awk!" Polly squaked.  
  
"Oh shut up feather brain! That was Trinity and you know it." Shipwreck replied.  
  
"Awk, somebody should've been paying attention..." Polly replied.  
  
"And I suppose you're Mister Squeaky Clean..." Shipwreck replied, sarcastically.  
  
"Awk, cleaner than you swabbie, awk..." Polly replied.  
  
"That does it bird! I'm taking your feathers and making them into a duster and selling your plucked carcass to Emeril Lagasse." Shipwreck shouted, and began chasing Polly around the house.  
  
"Shipwreck! Polly! STAND TO!" Cover Girl shouted. Both Shipwreck and Polly froze in their tracks, with Shipwreck standing at attention and Polly perched on his shoulder, "No more antics from you two tonight, got it...?"   
  
"Awk, yes ma'am...Awk." Polly replied.  
  
"Yeah, no more antics..." Shipwreck said.  
  
"I mean it mister..." Cover Girl said, grabbing him by the ear and dragging him back to the living room.

* * *

Camille walked up to the front door of the Misfit house and rang the doorbell. A bearded fellow with a parrot pearched on his shoulder opened the door. Cradled in his arms was a tiny little mutant, a toddler from the looks of him, with flippers instead of hands or feet.  
  
"Welcome to Casa Delgado..." Shipwreck said.  
  
"You must be Shipwreck." Camille said, "I've read you're the father of a few of these Misfits."   
  
"A few of them. You've already met Althea, my oldest daughter, also called Wavedancer." Shipwreck replied, letting Camille and her cameraman into the house.  
  
Camille had to admit the nautical motif and the general cheerful air of the place certainly made the Misfits seem less threatening and more human. The French public was going to love this. Claudius shyly clung to Shipwreck's neck when he saw the camera.  
  
"This shy little one is my youngest, Claudius." Shipwreck said, "Say hi to the nice reporter kiddo."  
  
Claudius blinked his bright blue eyes and looked at the bright light and the camera uneasily. He turned back towards Shipwreck, "Dadda?" he said.   
  
"He's a little camera shy." Shipwreck explained.   
  
Creed walked by, carrying Barney. "This is my adopted son," Shipwreck said, motioning Demerest to come over, "Barney. Or Baby Beaky as my middle children have called him."  
  
"My three middle girls, Daria, Brittany, and Quinn." Shipwreck continued, introducing three identical girls with long black hair and blue eyes. The first, Daria had a ponytail on the right side of her head, Brittany had pigtails, and Quinn had a ponytail on the left side of her head.  
  
Avalanche, Xi, and Blob were sitting on the couch with Low Light watching a tape of Hector Rameriez shimmying up the flag pole for all he was worth. The trio was laughing as Low Light said, "Who would have thought Polly could be this bright?"   
  
"Polly dreamed this up?" Lance asked, "Cool."  
  
"What's really cool is how Shipwreck's being unusually well mannered." Fred said.  
  
"Well, leave it to the Blind Master and some device Trinity invented." Lance replied.  
  
"What device?" Fred said.  
  
"Uhm, remember that movie, Saving Silverman..." Lance began.  
  
"You mean Blind Master borrowed electrodes and a battery, connected them to Shipwreck's nipples, and..." Xi replied before Lance and Fred clamped hands over his mouth.  
  
"We're on camera now, Xi..." Lance whisperred as Camille and the cameraman, together with Shipwreck and Creed walked into the living room.  
  
Camille recognized the dark haired teenager as Avalanche. The blonde haired man with red goggles, the round figured boy, and the lizard-like mutant however were unknown.   
  
"The fellow with goggles is Low Light." Demerest began, his mind searching for "He's our resident sniper. The large fellow is called Blob, and the other one is Xi."   
  
"How did this Xi fellow turn out the way he is?" Camille asked, and then in English said, "I mean you no offense _mon ami_."   
  
"None taken." Xi said, as Demerest translated the last question for him, "My condition is the result of having been raised in a COBRA lab."  
  
"COBRA, as in the terrorist organization responsible for many attacks throughout the world?" Camille began.  
  
Xi nodded sadly, "I was one of many engineered in a lab, but alas I am the only survivor. We rebelled against COBRA and they saw to it we would pay dearly for our defiance."   
  
Blind Master came downstairs just then and asked Low Light, "Have you seen my remote control?"   
  
"What remote control?" Low Light asked.  
  
"It looks like a garage remote." Blind Master asked.   
  
"What garage remote?" Camille asked.  
  
"Oh, I'm just looking for the garage door opener." Blind Master began, "I'm the one called the Blind Master, I teach the kids self defense..."  
  
"...And how to destroy things." Low Light muttered.  
  
"...In the ninja way." Demerest added conspiratorially.  
  
"How do you do that if you can't see?" Camille asked.  
  
"Sight isn't the only thing a warrior can utilize." Blind Master began, "And..."  
  
He reached into his sleeve and extracted a single rose, "...For the lady."  
  
Camille blushed, and was impressed. The Blind Master had been facing her the entire time and placed the rose in question into the palm of one of her hands.   
  
"How did you...?" Camille began.  
  
"I'm sorry, madmoiselle but a good magician never reveals his secrets." Blind Master replied.   
  
Camille, Shipwreck, and the cameraman had just left to find Toad and Wavedancer when Creed joined Blind Master and Low Light.  
  
"What garage remote?" Creed asked, as he handed Blind Master Barney.  
  
Blind Master took the child and said, "Well, there's a reason that Shipwreck's so well behaved right now?"  
  
"Involving the garage remote?" Creed asked.  
  
"Not exactly. It looks like the garage remote, but you've seen the movie Saving Silverman right?" Blind Master asked.  
  
"Right, the braille or non braille version." Demerest remarked.  
  
"You know, the fact that I chose to give a flower to a pretty lady is no reason for your thinly veiled British insults..." Blind Master remarked.  
  
"What?" Demerest replied, "That wasn't intended to be offensive, mate."   
  
"So what do you think of her?" Blind Master said, "I'm no competition, she just doesn't seem like my type."  
  
"She seems nice." Demerest said.  
  
"Meaning what?" Blind Master said, with a grin.  
  
"Meaning nice." Demerest replied.  
  
"You Brits, you're almost an island nation full of Scott Summers..."  
  
"Say again mate?" Demerest replied.  
  
"Nothing." Blind Master said, smiling.

* * *

"Spirit, have you seen the garage remote?" Cover Girl asked, "Shipwreck left the garage door open and the switch assembly to close the door doesn't work."  
  
"Is this it?" Spirit said, "I found it in the Blind Master's room. Why it was there I have no earthly idea."   
  
"Thanks Spirit." Cover Girl said. She hit the button and strangely the garage door didn't go down, "Huh, what's wrong with this thing?"

* * *

Out in the back yard Toad, Althea and Arcade were dancing around a radio when Camille, her cameraman, and Shipwreck found them. "You've met these three right?"   
  
"Toad, Wavedancer, and Arcade?" Camille said.  
  
Just then Shipwreck danced as an electrical current coursed through his body.   
  
"Nice move, dad." Althea said, unaware of the electrodes.  
  
Shipwreck proceeded to imitate or attempt to imitate his past move when the current zapped him again.  
  
"WHOA!!!" Shipwreck shouted as he spun around because of the electric shock.  
  
"Blind Master, cut it out! I didn't even do anything!" Shipwreck shouted, as he got zapped again.  
  
"Dad? What's going on?" Althea asked as Shipwreck jerked backwards because of the electricity.  
  
"Oh Jeez!!!!" Shipwreck shouted as his shirt caught fire.  
  
"Oh God! Dad!?" Althea shouted.  
  
Shipwreck ran for the nearest bucket and doused the flames. "Are you OK, monsieur?" Camille asked.  
  
"Yeah, that was a little weird..." Shipwreck said, and then he got zapped again and the sparks flew from his chest into the bushes where he'd buried some dynamite the Triplets made the week prior.  
  
BOOM! The bush shot skyward and Camille said to Shipwreck, "I notice that explosions seem quite common here..."  
  
"Lady, you don't know the half of it...WHOAAA!!!!!" Shipwreck said, as he got zapped again.

* * *

"Hmm, this darn thing doesn't seem to be working." Cover Girl said as she walked back into the house.  
  
"Hey Blind Master, what did you do to this thing?" she asked.  
  
"Oh, I see you've found my remote controlled Shipwreck Behavior Controller..." Blind Master replied.  
  
"What?" Cover Girl said, "I thought this was the garage door opener."   
  
"It was, until I modified it." Blind Master replied.  
  
"How?" Cover Girl asked.  
  
"You've seen the movie Saving Silverman, right?" Blind Master asked.  
  
"Oh." Cover Girl replied as it dawned on her, "Blind Master, you're a genius..."

* * *

TBC (Up next: More insanity and a Friends of Humanity/COBRA conspiracy...)


	5. Conspiracy

* * *

Conspiracy   
  
Disclaimer: Same as before...Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I packed my computer away for the summer and had a lot of other stuff to do (I go to a military college).  
  
AN: Anything in italics is spoken French. Anything in single quotation marks is a thought.

RogueFanKC - Sorry, I've always been a Cover Girl Shipwreck = lawfully wedded bliss (soon) fan. That's how MY AU differs from Red Witch's AU. I'm also a Low Light and Storm shipper. Sorry, not a STORMWRECK fan...I'm kinda playing with the idea that Cover Girl's getting a bit fed up by Low Light's not responding to her affections and is slowly turning her charms to Shipwreck.

* * *

"Cover Girl, for Christ's sake, I didn't even do anything." Shipwreck said, when he spotted her with the remote in the garage. Blind Master and Demerest were with Camille and her cameraman in the baby's room.   
  
"Sorry Shipwreck, I didn't know that Blind Master messed with the garage remote." Cover Girl replied, barely suppressing a smile.  
  
"Sadist..." Shipwreck remarked.   
  
"Oh c'mon Shipwreck, you have to admit it was kind of funny. I mean the only way you behaved yourself around Camille was because of the electrodes." Cover Girl replied.  
  
"Cover Girl, I've turned over a new leaf. I am a one woman man..." Shipwreck began, "My baby is out there loving me..."  
  
Cover Girl thought, 'No she isn't, she's in this room right now loving you. Damn it, why can't I say it.'   
  
Instead she groaned and rolled her eyes, "You'd think after 158 electrocutions you'd get a clue that she doesn't like you."  
  
"Ah, she's just playing hard to get..." Shipwreck replied, grinning broadly. As he did, every light in the garage flashed on and off.  
  
"Not again..." Cover Girl groaned, "I guess because I electrocuted you all those times, all that charge is stored in your body and now you're able to turn off and on various electric devices."

* * *

"_So, Blind Master_," Camille began, "_I was under the impression that ninjas were Japanese_..."   
  
"_Not true, madmoiselle_..." Blind Master began, "_Ever the increased contact with the west after the Meiji Restoration in Japan, a few Westerners have learned the ninjitsu art_."   
  
"_Your French is fluent, where did you learn it?"_ Camille asked.  
  
Blind Master reddened, "_Uhm, I am not at liberty to discuss that, madmoiselle_."

* * *

Demerest and Low Light were sitting at the kitchen table, behind the cameraman and Camille. The two were playing poker on the kitchen table with beer bottle caps.  
  
"Somebody's a bit jealous..." Low Light said.  
  
"Bollocks mate." Demerest replied, "I'll see those two caps and raise you another five."   
  
"Pretty cocky..." Low Light quipped, "Don't you realize that arrogance cost you Brits a lot of grief."  
  
"True, but we're justifiably proud because we've created some of the best counter-terror units of this world, namely the SAS." Demerest replied, "You Yanks just started getting it right with Delta...and GI Joe."   
  
"I'll see those five beers and raise you seven." Low Light replied.  
  
"Fine, mate." Demerest replied, "And you say we Brits are cocky."   
  
'C'mon mate, fold...' Demerest thought as he was looking at the four kings in his hand.   
  
"So, about our journalist..." Low Light began, smiling toothily.  
  
"Bollocks." Demerest said.  
  
"You're awfully touchy, I was going to ask you if you knew how she was going to portray us..." Low Light replied.  
  
"Whatever," Demerest said, "Four kings..."  
  
"Beat by four aces..." Low Light said, "Someone owes me a few drinks."  
  
"Wanker." Demerest replied.  
  
"Those better be soda bottle caps you're playing with dude." Roadblock began, "Because if they're not, you're looking towards me becoming rather rude..."  
  
"Busted." Lance grinned, "And to think it was you two we trusted."   
  
"Wanker." Demerest replied.   
  
"You've been hanging around Roadblock too long." Low Light said.   
  
Little did the household know it was under watch by hostile forces.

* * *

"Ow, get your elbow outta my eye Maurice..." said one of the four mysterious men in the small room in the sewer.  
  
"Sorry."   
  
"OK, who's been eating beans for dinner." another of them asked.   
  
Firefly rolled his eyes as he watched the three knuckleheads from the Friends of Humanity argue not so silently amongst themselves. This had to be one of the more moronic ideas COBRA Commander had come up with, forming an alliance with the Friends of Humanity. It seemed like a good idea at the time, funding and arming an organization who hated mutants and theoretically knew how to fight them, but these FOH guys seemed  
  
Their mission was spying on the Misfit house in preparation for the abduction and murder of Camille Leclair. The FOH wanted to kill Camille to send a message to 'mutant supporters' around the world. COBRA didn't want her doing her story on the Misfits for fear of the GI Joe mutant team gaining more support.   
  
"Lester, for the last time, quit farting..." Maurice grumbled.  
  
But the mission now entailed keeping watch over three morons that were over the age of twenty but had the average tactical sense of a herd of elephants. The past two days had been wearing on Firefly's nerves, and even he wasn't as careful as he should have been.   
  
"Hey Firebug can we do somethin' I'm bored..." Maurice asked.  
  
"Yeah, can we blow somethin' up...I ain't set fire to nothin' in weeks..." Lester replied.  
  
"Yeah, I'm gettin' really bored..." Earl, the fourth guy, said.  
  
"Yeah, whatever, do something..." Firefly said, too distracted and irritated to concentrate.   
  
"Yippie! Let's do somethin'...." The three rednecks shouted.  
  
"Wait a minute...AAGGGHHH!!!" Firefly said, "COBRA Commander said we're supposed to use STEALTH! Get back here you maniacs!!!!"

* * *

"_Babies, cute and adorable no matter what species_..." Camille began, "_These two mutant babies are the son and adopted son of Misfit handler Shipwreck_."   
  
Demerest translated what Camille was saying to Pietro, Althea, Wanda, and Toad who were in the room. Lance and Spirit were preparing Spirit's herbal medicine lab for their display.   
  
"Yes they are cute, aren't they..." Pietro said, trying to put his best face on for the French public, "Coochie coochie...YEOUCH!!!!!"   
  
Pietro had been tickling Barney under his chin and peering into their crib when Barney clamped down on his nose with his beak. "GET HIM OFF ME! GET HIM OFF ME! OUCH!"   
  
"When it comes to babies my brother has quite the touch..." Wanda began, smiling.  
  
"Bat!" Barney said, bonking Pietro across the head with it.  
  
"OUCH!"   
  
"Bat!" Barney said, with even greater excitement.  
  
"OUCH!"   
  
"_Don't worry, Barney does this all the time_." Demerest replied, noticing Camille's raised eyebrow, "_Shipwreck bought him this little whiffle bat and Barney absolutely loved the gift_..."  
  
"Oh Pietro, you're not holding him right, see." Wanda said, taking Barney and cradling him, "Who's a good little baby, yes, you are sweet pea."   
  
"Good little baby? Hah!" Pietro began.  
  
"Oh come on Pietro, he doesn't know any better." Althea began, "He's just a baby."   
  
"That homicidal little maniac....AGH! Get him away from me! HELP! HELP! HELP!" Pietro replied.  
  
"Up! Up! Up!" Claudius said.  
  
"Aw, looks like someone wants attention." Althea said, "Here you go kiddo..."  
  
Althea carried her little brother in her arms as Camille asked, "Wavedancer, which one is your little brother?"  
  
"Both of them are my little brothers. But in terms of blood relation, this little guy is..." Althea said, "Hang on to him, will ya Creed, I just wanna go get the photo album..."   
  
"_Despite his appearance he's your typical toddler. He's actually very_..." Demerest began before Claudius spit milk up on him, "..._cute_."   
  
"Baga wagga whee..." Claudius said as he reached for Camille's microphone, producing smiles from both her and Demerest.  
  
Barbeque came running in just then, "Ms. Leclair, there's something we need to tell you..."  
  
As the group ran outside they saw that Camille's rented van was on fire with the words 'Anonymous Message - Die Mutie Lover! -Signed Earl, Lester and Maurice. Friends of Humanity.'   
  
"Someone doesn't want you doing your story." Law said, walking towards them from the crowd of firefighters and MPs.  
  
Camille looked very distressed. "Look, maybe your hotel room might not be safest tonight..." Shipwreck began, despite the dirty looks he was getting from Cover Girl, Roadblock, and Low Light, "...That's why we're willing to give you our two guest bedrooms until this blows over."  
  
"_You'll be safe tonight, you've got several fences, and the best unit in the US military to protect you while you sleep_." Demerest assured them.   
  
"_I will still do the story_." Camille began, "_Despite what the Friends of Humanity threaten_..."  
  
Cover Girl and Shipwreck were walking together towards the house, "You know, Shipwreck, that was really sweet of you. Sorry I thought it was one of your lame pick up ideas..."   
  
"Cover Girl, hate to burst the Frenchie's bubble, but she's not really my type..." Shipwreck replied.  
  
"You're too much..." Cover Girl said, slapping Shipwreck.  
  
"OW! What did I do to deserve THAT?" Shipwreck replied.  
  
Cover Girl leaned towards Shipwreck's cheek, as if to kiss it and make it better. Instead she blew a raspberry. "Hey! No fair!" Shipwreck said, chasing the running super model.  
  
"Is the house always like this?" Camille asked.  
  
"I'm afraid so..." Demerest replied, rolling his eyes.

* * *

Up next: Guests at the Delgado house and the attack of the FOH/COBRA coalition... 


	6. Bump in the Night

Bump in the Night

Disclaimer: Same as before. Fear not, I will have a chapter in the next three weeks, but I'm going away, so this short installment shall have to suffice.

* * *

"Don't you worry, Firefly, we've got reinforcements coming along." Maurice said.

"Thank you, they won't be neccessary, Maurice, because COBRA's sending me their finest warriors, their best experts at infiltration and..."

"Evenin' Firefly, what's up?" Ripper said, walking in.

"Oh God, can this not get any worse?" Firefly said as he saw the Dreadnoks walk in, "I might've known COBRA Commander was getting cheap. Where's Zartan?"

"He couldn't come, according to Mystique..." Torch replied.

"Torch, Buzzer, Monkeywrench..." Firefly mused, "They might as well have sent me Larry, Moe, and Curly. Where's Zarana and Zanya."

"Oh, COBRA Commander sent them on a mandatory therapeutic picnic with Zartan and Mystique..." Monkeywrench replied, picking his nose.

"Mama mia." Firefly groaned.

* * *

"There, now Misfit Manor is effectively infiltration proof..." Shipwreck said as he nailed another couple boards across the front door.

"Shipwreck, what are you doing?" Cover Girl asked, "You're starting to make this place look like the set for Night of the Living Dead.

"It never hurts to be prepared..." Shipwreck said, "Now where did I put that bag of nails?"

Shipwreck started walking around the living room looking for the nail bag and went to sit down on the couch. Suddenly he jumped into the air screaming, "YEOWCH!"

"Shipwreck, I guess you found the nails." Cover Girl quipped.

"Ha ha ha..." Shipwreck laughed.

"(kschk.) The bats are boarding up the cave. (kschk)." Maurice said, from across the street.

"Roger that." Firefly said, he was disguised as a repairman and was hanging on the telephone pole, about to cut the power line. He used the bolt cutters and then saw the power in Misfit Manor go out.

"Alarm system has been deactivated, out." Firefly said.

"(kschk) Roger that (kschk)." Maurice replied.

"You do not need to make the (kschk) sound with the radio, it already does that. Out." Firefly replied.

"Copy that, I'm not gonna make the (kschk) sound after I say stuff from now on." Maurice replied, "Maurice Labarre over and out, (kschk)."

Belatedly he added, "That was the last one."

"Copy that (kschk)." Firefly said. "Oh God help me, now I'M doing it."

"(kschk) Firefly, come in Firefly. (kschk)." came the call.

"Identify yourself." Firefly replied.

"(kschk) This is Party Wagon. (kschk)." Torch said, using the call sign for the stolen power company van that was the small group's nerve center.

"Quit it with the (kschk) sound already!" Firefly said, his left eye twitching.

"(kschk) Roger that (kschk)." Monkeywrench said, the other Dreadnoks were tittering like schoolgirls.

"Aw lighten up, Firefly. I mean you're already tense enough as is." Road Pig said.

"Ow Road Pig, you're squashing me! Quit it! Quit it!" Torch said.

"(kschk) Guys, SHUT UP!" Firefly shouted.

* * *

Camille watched as Pietro, Fred, Wanda, and Lina were debating what movie to put in the VCR. Her cameraman, Damien, was throwing his two cents in as well.

"No no no no no, monsieur, I think we should watch Freaky Friday..." Damien began.

"No! I think Princess Diaries is a much better choice." Pietro replied.

"Pietro, about the only reason you even want to watch that movie is because you think the lead actress, Anne whatever her name is, is cute..." Wanda said, rolling her eyes.

Pietro hadn't even heard his sister. He and Damien were too busy shouting at one another as to which movie to watch.

"Freaky Friday!"  
  
"Princess Diaries!"

"Uhm, is anyone else freaked out by the fact that those two are guys arguing over a chick flick?" Lina asked.

"Actually no." Fred began, "You see, both of them appear to have an overcompensating overly masculine personality. The feminine side of their natures to balance it out has few avenues in which to manifest itself, therfore it does so through avenues such as taste in movies."

"Really..." Lina began.

"Oh GOD! Please don't encourage him...." Wanda groaned.

Camille turned toward Demerest, "_I would think you would have a lot more to worry about than a movie choice. COBRA is planning an attack, right?"_

"_Yes, but they want us to be tense, and paranoid at all hours of the day to wear down our vigilance. As soon as we get tired, we'll start slipping up, and then they'll attack us._" Demerest replied, whisperring, mouthing the word, 'Bugs'.

_"Now, just try to relax, get some rest. We'll have this handled shortly._" Demerest replied.

Despite herself, Camille sat down next to Demerest on the nearby couch to watch the agreed upon movie, the Princess Diaries. It really had been a stressful day, to say the least. She felt her eyelids get heavier and heavier and as much as she tried she couldn't keep them awake and let herself drift off to sleep.

Demerest watched her fall asleep. In reality the house looked like it had only taken token precautions, but every single handler and Misfit was ready to go, with a force of Green Shirts stationed in hiding just down the road. Demerest's job was to keep an eye on Camille, stay within a few steps of her until the threat had been resolved.

'Well, I've got that little part of the mission covered.' Demerest thought to himself. Camille was leaning against his side, fast asleep and for the first time in a long time he let himself feel the warm fuzzy feeling that crept in. As he felt his own eyelids growing heavy, he checked to make sure the Browning 9mm was secure in the shoulder holster under his shirt and that it had a round properly chambered. He fell into a light sleep afterward...

* * *

TBC...


	7. Attack of the Clowns

Attack of the Clowns

Disclaimer: Same as before…sorry, I've been away on other projects. I'll be back on this one as often as possible.

AN: Bold denotes spoken French.

AN2: This takes place after Red Witch's _The Old Moron and the Sea. _

* * *

"Bollocks." Demerest groaned, as he felt someone shake his right arm, "What?"

"Hey Creed, hate to interrupt your little cuddling session, but we've got trouble." Althea said.

"What's going on?" Demerest asked.

"Somebody just cut the power." Althea replied.

Camille woke suddenly, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. She could see Creed had just pulled the pistol from its concealed hiding place. Everyone in the house had just awakened, all the adults were carrying weapons, and the mutants were fanning out into a defensive perimeter.

"**Stay close to me.**" Creed said to Camille. Wordlessly she nodded.

"Perimeter defenses?" Shipwreck shouted upstairs.

"Operational, dad." Quinn shouted.

It was then the attack came, swiftly and suddenly. One moment everything was tense and silent, and the next flares began firing off, lighting up the skies and exposing several COBRAs and FOH militia sneaking across the lawn.

"Send in the clowns!" Daria shouted.

"Die! Die! Mutant hunters!" Quinn shouted.

"Shipwreck, do you think Trinity should have designed the perimeter security system?" Spirit said as he watched through the night vision binoculars.

* * *

"You IDIOT!" Firefly shouted at Maurice, he had tripped a wire that caused several flares to go flying everywhere.

"OOF!" Earl shouted as the tire swing on the front lawn swung around and bashed him in the stomach.

"Aww…" said Monkeywrench, "Isn't that cute. A little clockwork clown…"

In the flares' dying light he could see a model of Bozo the clown on the ground. He picked it up and it immediately sprayed concentrated skunk stink into his face.

"AAGGH!" he shouted.

"Uh…Firefly?" Lester said, "Is it a bad thing that an army of those little clown thingies are heading right for us?"

Firefly, was currently spraying Monkeywrench with the garden hose to try and stop his complaining about the stench, said, "Yeah, it is a bad thing…what kind of moronic question is…YIPE!"

He turned and saw hundreds of little clockwork clowns heading his way saying, "Let's play and be friends…"

As the clowns spoke, bizarre attachments began to come out of their arms and bodies. The bizarre attachments in question ranged from tiny buzz saws, Taser shock prods, flame thrower nozzles, and tiny dart throwers.

"Oh bollocks…" Ripper groaned as the clowns advanced at their childlike but steady gait. The COBRAS and FOH men fired their weapons, but the clowns kept advancing and as they turned to run they heard a loud recorded clown laugh over the breadth of the lawn and saw even more clowns come forward, playing a digitized version of _It's a Small World. _

"OK, plan 7 Delta, now!" Maurice dramatically declared.

"Oh, what, fearless leader, is plan 7 Delta?" Firefly asked, in a sarcastic tone.

"PANIC!" Earl, Lester, and Maurice all shouted.

"Run! Run! Run!" Buzzer shouted, his arms in the air, as a couple circular saw blade wielding clowns chase him around the lawn.

* * *

"What's going on out there?" Roadblock asked.

"Roadblock," Shipwreck replied, as he peered out the window through the night vision goggles, "You don't want to know. Trust me it isn't pretty…"

Screams of the Dreadnoks and FOH members could be heard outside as the clowns clobbered them.

"AGGHHH!" Lester shouted as a clown with a pair of scissors for hands chased him across the lawn.

"OW! Hot buns! Hot buns!" Torch shouted as he ran around the lawn with his butt on fire, courtesy of a flame throwing clown.

Road Pig was fighting with a half dozen clowns that begun climbing all over him. Several of the tiny machines were on fire or smashed apart, but more of them kept coming.

"**Nathaniel,**" Camille asked, as her cameraman filmed the spectacle through a night vision camera, "**Exactly how much time does 'Trinity' have on their hands to make such things?**"

"**Obviously too much**." Demerest replied.

"Not the lightning! Not the lightning! AAAGGGHHH!" Ripper shouted as three clowns were zapping him with several thousand volts of electricity.

"Normally that's my line." Shipwreck quipped, as the clowns chased Ripper around and continued to electrify him.

"Daria, are you sure it was wise to take some clowns from the backyard?" Quinn asked.

"Of course…" Brittany replied.

"OW! Oh mama they got me!" Ripper shouted as a clown kicked him a particularly sensitive area. He fell like a shotgunned bird to the ground.

Little did the Misfits know that they were in for a real surprise…

* * *

Firefly had leapt through the upstairs window from a tree in the back yard. He'd sent the others right into the teeth of the defenses, those horribly disturbing clockwork clowns. Behind him was a very familiar face to the Misfits, Duncan Matthews. Firefly opened the window and gestured to the FOH man.

"You're too kind…" Duncan began with a nasty grin, "I've wanted to get these freaks back for a while now…"

Duncan wandered into the hall, the gun in his hands held at the ready and right into an electric shock…

"YEOWW! OWWW! WWOOWWW!" Duncan shouted as the electrical webbing belonging to none other than Spyder.

"Face the wrath of Spyder, Duncan! This is for what you did to Lance…" Spyder replied, putting more voltage through the web.

"That's enough, brat." Came a whispered voice. It was followed by a sharp prick. And then blackness.

"Get her out of here, fast!" Firefly said sharply.

"Why should I care about this mutie…"

"Mindbender's gonna wanna see this one." Firefly replied.

"Mindbender's not gonna see anyone." Lina Chakram replied from down the hall.

Duncan fired a dart at her and she merely flung her wings into it's flight path. "These wings can't be pierced by your darts. Better luck next time…"

"Thought you'd never ask." Firefly replied and fired a net of weighted and charged electrical cables from a weird looking rifle that he'd unslung while Duncan tried his hand at fighting Lina.

"Get these two out of here." Firefly ordered two Vipers that came in after them.

* * *

"AWK! They're inside! They're inside!" Polly squawked as he flapped downstairs.

Immediately Spirit, Lance, Shipwreck, and Blob charged upstairs. They came up in time to see two Vipers and Firefly carrying the limp forms of Spyder and Lina out the window. And to see a very familiar face.

"Matthews?" Lance said, "I might've known you were mixed up in all this!"

"Alvers?" Duncan said, "I might have known I'd find you with the trash."

"Get your hands off my sister!" Lance shouted and created a tremor that shook the house violently, cracking a hole in the floor underneath Duncan's feet trapping him up to the waist, his legs kicking violently above the living room.

It was too late. Firefly had taken the girls out to a van parked behind the backyard. Lance howled with rage, they weren't fast enough.

"Wait!" Shipwreck said, as he aimed one of his two Desert Eagles at Duncan's forehead, "We do have a lead…"

"I'll never talk…" Duncan began.

* * *

Tied to a chair in the kitchen, Duncan said, "I'll never talk. And get that f$&#g camera out of my face!"

"This is becoming rather bothersome." Nathaniel began.

"**After the abduction of two of their teammates, two innocent girls, the Misfits are attempting to rescue them.**"Camille began, as her cameraman filmed, "**And here is one of the brutes from Friends of Humanity. The FOH has been involved in the disappearance and deaths of many mutants over the years…**"

"Hey, what's she saying..?" Duncan demanded.

"She's saying what a brutish pig you've been. And what your little organization represents." Arcade replied.

"Hint, mate, I don't think you'll be overly popular in France." Creed replied, "Though it doesn't seem that you were overly popular to begin with."

"Guys, he hasn't said anything all night. Lina and Spyder could be in pieces right now, and I want to be spared the sight." Roadblock said, as he called Creed aside.

"I've tried everything but putting electrical wires to his bollocks and putting a charge through it." Creed replied.

"Can we electrocute him now…" Trinity pleaded from upstairs, holding a cattle prod and an assortment of electrical leads.

"Absolutely not!" Creed and Roadblock shouted back.

"See, you can't do anything to me." Duncan said, "I'm not saying anything. They're with Mindbender now! He'll put them to good use!"

Roadblock sighed and put his hand on the kitchen counter. His hand came into contact with a certain CD case. It had the words Martian Hop written on it.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking…" Roadblock began.

"Perhaps, but the press is too nearby." Creed replied, whispering back.

"Well, I'd use that British charm." Roadblock said, "Please don't make me twist your arm."

"Right mate." Nathaniel replied.

Roadblock motioned to Spirit and picked up the CD. The pair led Duncan off to the basement as he struggled mightily against Roadblock's powerful hold.

"I hoped not to resort to this..." Roadblock whispered in his ear.

"HELP! Police brutality!" Duncan shouted.

Camille turned toward Creed, "**What's going on?**"

"**Am I on record?**" Nathaniel Demerest asked.

"**No.**" Camille replied.

Demerest was still wary. The idea of torturing a prisoner, even if it was a scumbag like Duncan, was repulsive to say the least. Then again, he was sure Roadblock wasn't about to resort to something like that.

From the basement the opening of the Martian Hop playing full blast could be heard. Spirit and Roadblock walked out of the basement.

"The prisoner?" Camille asked in English, the camera turned towards the two men.

"We left him downstairs in decent comfort to think about a few things. We even left him some music…" Roadblock began.

"EEEE…" could be heard from downstairs.

Five Hours Later: "I'll talk! I'll talk! Just PLEASE TURN OFF THAT SONG!" Duncan could be heard screaming from downstairs.

"Roadblock," Cover Girl said, "Could you go down there and talk to the guy. I can't take any more of his whining."

Roadblock walked downstairs and brought back a handcuffed Duncan who was muttering, "The horror. The horror. Please mommy make the Martians stop…"

"I think he'll be more inclined to cooperate right now…" Roadblock said menacingly.

* * *

TBC (I'll try to come up with more, but hopefully this should tide you over for now…) 


End file.
